Music Review: Nkunonya – Kataleya & Kandle

Almost nothing about these girls makes sense, if you are looking for an organic way to describe who they are and what they do.

They are suddenly everywhere, with legions of ‘fans’ sharing Do Me videos ostentatiously showing them ‘vibing’ to the music from the duo.

But a closer look suggests otherwise – their discography (current or otherwise) is lightweight, and they are barely anything other than Instagram little girls fulfilling a fantasy.

Alongside this is an allegation on the streets that they are someone’s pet project – someone with money to burn. The fact that their current gig tour route is made up mainly of schools seems to emphasise the lightweight nature of their material – fewer people are easier to impress and entertain than adolescents in a locked up environment, dizzy with hormones.

Nkunonya is their latest single, another of those dancehall tracks that really is a pop song masquerading as a dancehall track. Their lyricism is awful – you require teenage hormones to listen to this sort of stuff.

The girls seem to spent most of their time going to photoshoots, as they seek to raise their social media profile, putting together music videos where they throw on as much make-up as is medically possible without killing yourself, and dance about as stiffly as a police department.

What they can do, though, and it is what probably pushed their alleged investor in this direction, is sing. It may be difficult to notice, beneath the drivel they are forced to put out, but they actually can – I, too, was surprised.

Now what their alleged investor needs to do is find them a decent songwriter – surely he can afford this (he affords the intense make-up effort and stuff).