Women emancipation and the diminishing role of fathers

Fellow women, as we celebrate all the wonderful progress we have made, and enjoy the momentum across the globe of realising our potential, I feel compelled to express my concern regarding a growing trend that warrants our attention in the context of women emancipation - the diminishing role of fathers in the family unit. 

While the pursuit of gender equality is a commendable endeavour, we must be mindful of the unintended consequences that may impact the dynamics within our households. It is essential to recognize that true equality should not come at the expense of devaluing the role of fathers, but rather be synonymous with promoting active and involved fatherhood. 

Oprah Winfrey once said that, “any life, no matter how glorious it seems, or fantastic it is, or how much attention one receives, is enhanced by the sharing and the giving, and opening of the heart space.” 

This implies that the progress of women must not be one gender overpowering the other. Efforts should rather be directed towards establishing robust support systems that promote shared responsibilities between partners. 

Rather than create an atmosphere of competition, how about if we strive for a balanced and inclusive approach that upholds the dignity of both women and men within our families? 

As we break gender barriers, we must not lose sight of or erase the genuine companionship of our husbands, but build bridges that tighten our collective strength, shared experiences and ability to amplify each other’s voice.

Michelle Obama once put it, “There’s no limit to what we as women can accomplish!” True – we have paid school fees, rent, bought food, footed the bills and have undoubtedly brought a positive change in the homes; but should this be seen as the source of the malevolent power in us? Should it be a foundation of immodest, imperious, demanding, defiant, disrespectful or argumentative behaviour in us? This time around, let us resolve not to tell neighbours and relatives when we play the husband’s role.

People of God, empowerment must not be seen as an affront to men’s honour or merely as an act of rebellion but rather a response to the dire circumstances imposed upon women - the denial of education and economic subjugation that has made many susceptible to exploitation, dependency and vulnerability, the pervasive issue of sexual harassment and assault which have cast a dark shadow on many women, the insidious weapon of emotional abuse manifested in manipulation, control and belittlement which has left indelible scars, some invisible yet run so deep, causing everlasting trauma. 

It’s indeed disheartening to acknowledge the grim reality faced by countless women, which has fueled their journey towards empowerment. And sincerely to the brave women who have faced adversity and injustice, I want you to know that your pain is valid, and your experiences deserve acknowledgement. 

I, however, urge you not to give that pain victory, too much power and control over your life. Let it not dictate your actions moving forward – especially when it concerns the wellbeing of our children. Revenge may seem a tempting path but just know that this is a bait the devil has set for us women to break family ties, to preach vehemently against marriage, a trap to create wealthy and powerful but very lonely women, single mothers, fatherless children, women dying prematurely of stress due to loans trying to do men’s work, and often times in the bid of proving a point. 

As Genesis 4:6-7 puts it, “. . . sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Our emancipation does not have to become synonymous with man-hating or lead to single parenthood. We certainly don’t have to break down walls and defy stereotypes to prove that we can do without men. 

“You don’t need your father; I give you everything” we have often told our children. But haven’t they proved more than once that there’s much more in a father than just mere property? Haven’t such children wished to be like other children at school with a brother or a sister, or even with a father accompanying them to school? Some of us continue deceiving them that their father died of God knows what! 

Remember, our children are incredibly perceptive; they absorb all the energy and emotions that surround them and it is no surprise that they replicate the same destructive patterns in their relationships as adults. 

For them not to fall victim, we must know our limits. We need to master the art of knowing when to let our strength come to play, and when to be team players in the family unit. 

As Professor P.L.O. Lumumba puts it, “A good dancer must know when to leave the stage”. Let us do away with tokenism, performative actions and empty rhetoric and focus more on helping fathers appreciate who we have become. 

This journey isn’t indeed smooth sailing, but we can start somewhere. Let us begin by having flexible work arrangements to balance professional and domestic demands. Let’s move beyond symbolic gestures and prioritize ideals that will lead to tangible improvements in the lives of all the parties involved - the mother, the father and the children. 

On this women’s day, let us resolve to transform the curses of our past painful experiences into blessings for our children and the generations to come; let us give them a chance to enjoy that which nature looted from us - a caring father, a good husband, a good marriage, a healthy and compassionate home - one where children can grow up free from burdens of the past. 

Rather than tell them how men are terrible, or how useless their fathers are, or why they should never get married because they’ll suffer – simply say, “My husband (or your father) may have been a monster, but you, my son will be a wonderful dad to my grandchildren”.  

Or “My daughter, I know for sure that God will bless you with a very good and caring husband”. Manifestations such as these, driven by parental hope and keen guidance from childhood through young adulthood have demonstrated to have good outcomes in the adult lives and family perspectives held by children raised from unstable families.

Generally, it is in using such an open-minded approach and having such a sustainable insight in adapting to the dynamic and ever-changing landscape of family roles that we shall be authentically emancipated. Wishing you an emancipated-filled women’s day. 

The writer is the Women Chairperson, Catholic Workers’ Movement, Kampala Archdiocese.