'He doesn't care about my baby but flaunts it on social media, taking all credit'

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LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

I am a single mother of a lovely nine-month-old baby. The father does not assist at all in the welfare of the baby. He has never bought anything for her. Not even diapers.

However, he likes flaunting the baby on social media and taking all the credit for taking good care of her. This angers me a lot. Should I block him from having access to the child? 

Bridget 

Reader response

Dear Bridget,

A child is born innocent and has the right to both parents as long as they live. The fact that the baby's father has never participated in the welfare of the toddler does not stop him from Carrying out his paternity rights. 

However, there are many issues you did not reveal, but according to your statement, you got a baby together, but you are not a married couple. 

First of all, what happened between you two may be too personal to be discussed openly, but it seems you are emotionally upset by the way he is portraying himself as a proud father of your daughter.

You may be having many unresolved issues. Does he take care of you? Men may not like it when they doubt you, especially when you are not their spouse, but you got a child together. You may find that he is doing all this media thing to see whether someone can come out to claim that the baby is his, before he starts participating in raising the child. 

When did you last meet? Have you ever told him how his social media behavior involving a baby he doesn't care for makes you feel? Is he financially able and is just not doing it? Is he married to another woman?  

There is a proverb that says: "Sympathy to the baby comes from the breast of the mother." Does the father remember the baby Mama's breast? I recommend that you have an honest conversation with the father of the child before you decide on your next plan of action.

Polly Asiimwata 
Family talkshows host

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Dear Bridget,

You are commended for raising your child as a single mother. However, you have not mentioned how you planned to nurture the child with her father.  Have you ever requested him to provide for the child and he declined? What do you do to earn a living? 

Could he be comfortable knowing that you are capable of looking after that child? In any case, whether or not you are capable, both you and him have an obligation to equitably take responsibility for the child. His bragging is simply spurious and should not worry you.

According to the parenting law in Uganda, it is the responsibility of both parents to protect, maintain and ensure that the child is cared for. 

You need to candidly discuss with your child’s father and inform him that he has the legal obligation to look after this child. You cannot block the father from accessing his child because the law allows him, but you can seek legal advice on how he should provide for his child.

Clemence Byomuhangi, mental health and psychosocial counselling psychologist

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Dear Bridget,

The ability for children to live a meaningful life is entirely dependent on parental care and guidance. Human beings are the most intelligent creatures on earth, so when parents have children, they are expected to properly care for and express love to them.

However, some parents - due to reasons only known to them - have ignored their parental responsibility, which is what the father of your child has done. 

Such actions have reasons behind them. He many naturally not be a caring person, or you had differences which led to his behaviour. That said, whatever transpired between you has nothing to do with the child. She should be loved and cared for.

Have you tried to discuss matters concerning the child's welfare? What has been his response? Some men are generally just irresponsible. They abandon their children with their mothers and only appear later to claim them without considering how they grew up.

Others have walked out on their children for reasons more complex in nature. Regardless of what happened, he has a moral obligation to care for his child. 

Your story suggests that you had some conflict that led to separation and the man has nothing to do with you, save for his daughter, but he should be reminded of his responsibilities. You can't deprive a father of his daughter’s love, no matter the conflict between you two. 

Therefore, shelve the anger and have a healthy conversation about child's welfare. Try co-parenting, so that he can also take responsibility. Cooperate for the sake of your child.

Agree on who is supposed to do what and how. Otherwise blocking him from the child will not solve the problem.  Instead, it will strain you more, especially when the child grows older and discovers she missed her father's love because of your failure to agree.

Robert Mugenyi, marriage counsellor